(Demeter and Athena enter a levitating platform in the clouds above the Mount Olympus. Sun is careening towards the zenith of the sky.)

Athena: Demeter…! What a surprise to see you away from your domain? Here among the Mount Olympus. Did you relieve yourself of your earthly vows?

Demeter: Athena. We have a council, don’t we. I already have a lot in my hands. If not for this urgent invitation, I would not have left. Athena, as always, you are early on time. You are an example for the other gods.

Athena… (coughing): Oh Demeter! I am so glad to hear this praise from you. Unlike the others..

(Apollo arrives by his chariot and drops from the air.)

Apollo: Demeter, Athena, I see you are both earlier than me. If it hadn’t been my work, I would have come on time…

Athena: Apollo, you think you are the only one with most responsibilities. If not for my justice and order, there would be no civilization, no order, no justice. Even then, we are in equal comparison.

Apollo: Athena, there is indeed no order without justice. As for me, no sunlight, no life. How’s the ‘ordered’ state of the world?

Athena: Don’t get me started on that?

Demeter: Apollo, Athena. Now’s not the time for competition.

Apollo (grinning): Enough about us. What about you, Demeter?

(Hermes and Artemis land one by one onto the marbled council floor. Hermes regaining himself, speaks loudly.)

Hermes: You asked me? I am doing perfectly fine, Apollo. How is that lyre I gave you?

Apollo: Ah Hermes! Still playing the best of tunes with it. The clouds and sun themselves respond to my musings.

Hermes: Haha. Are you sure it is not a deception by your subjects?

Apollo (smiling): There is not a trickster in these lands like you, Hermes. My subjects are loyal and obedient.

Hermes: Haha, you are learning. Come here, dear friend.

(Both go for a handshake.)

Demeter: Apollo, Hermes, Do not forget about others in your presence.

Hermes (turns after the handshake): Ah, Demeter herself in our midst. Didn’t expect you here. Don’t tell me Hera strikes a chill on you.

Demeter: Hermes, Hermes. There is no one in these lands who can make me do things. Even the Hades could not get me to bend my will and give up on Persephone.

(Hermes’ cheeks stretch wide from his smile.)

Apollo: Ignore him, Demeter. He is a little thief.

Artemis: Enough chitchat, brother. Do you know why Hera invited us all here?

(Their conversation is cut short.)

Athena: I can proudly proclaim that I know the reason.

Apollo: Athena, humble us.

Athena: Alright. It is the state of the clay-men, the humanity itself. Everyone here already should be aware of these things..

Hermes, Demeter, Artemis: Oh yes!

Athena: I suppose that Hera and Zeus are losing their cool over this.

Hermes: I know exactly where this is going. (Hermes expresses jubilation at the thought).

(The Sun reaches the zenith, the suggested time of the gathering.)

Artemis: Are we all here?

Apollo: We the important ones are all here on time. Except those miscreants.

Athena: Ares and ..

Apollo: Aphrodite!

Demeter: Had I known this, I would have refrained from attending this.

(Seconds later, Ares and Aphrodite fly to the meeting together giggling.)

Aphrodite (giggling): Ares, you are such a prude.

Apollo: Aphrodite, you better behave before Hera. She will not tolerate this behavior.

Aphrodite: Oh dear Apollo. I didn’t know you were jealous. Ares will get angry at you if you make such advances.

Apollo (snickers): Aphrodite, you forget so easily. I never showed any interest in you. Ares, you hold her down. Otherwise she will move on to another lover.

Ares (growls): Apollo, watch your tongue. Don’t talk about Aphrodite in such a way!!

Apollo: Ares, you forget through your rage about your past defeat in my hands.

(Ares proceeds to growl like a rabid animal and Apollo calmly eyes him. )

Demeter: Not here.

(And then the large door opens ajar through which a bright light envelops. Hera crosses the threshold to address the crowd.)

Hera: Silence, everyone!

(She steps down from the stairs slowly, walking gracefully.)

Hera: Now, my children, step-children and others (sneering at Demeter). Listen carefully. You are all here for one reason.

(She pauses for a second and two)

Hera: Zeus has been depressed. For several decades in a row, he has been severely disappointed by the human society. Normally those clay people would be his apple of eye. We must all do something before he throws a rage fit and destroys everything.

Athena: Mother, we too have been constantly disappointed by humans in the last century. They have completely lost in touch with their senses, war, and humanly matters.

Demeter: If Zeus is distraught, then matter has turned serious. They have been polluting the soul of the lands. Nuclear waste, plastic something they created from a stew, and anything they find. On day to day basis, they use fertilizers and insect killers to pollute my lands. It is all unforgivable (She curses undecipherable phrases).

Hera: Demeter, hold yourself together in this pantheon.

Demeter: Hera, the matters are dire in my regime! There is no other way to say it.

Athena: Demeter is right, mother. Humanity has lost sight of wisdom and runs around like headless chicken. They use trickery and fight dirty wars. Strategically great, but no courage at all.

Ares (clamors): Well said, Athena. They fight using planes, helicopters. Where is the fun in that? Warfare is bloody, gruesome. You neeeed tooo get your blood boiling!!! (He gets into a corner and shouts into a frenzy)

Apollo: Calm down, Ares. Your worries are not shared by everyone, here. As for me, I have recorded their music. They call it the pop music. Somehow it degrades with every passing year. My wonderful subjects wallow at this ridiculously bad music.

Artemis: If you think, your domain is bad. Mine is even worse. Humans have been clearing my domain for ages. Now they have stopped hunting and now pity the creatures. My creatures that are perfect for hunting are being protected. What blasphemy?

Hera: It truly is degeneration of civilization. Marriage has lost its divine quality and now it is treated with such disrespect. Virgins are not valued anymore, only street harlots and prostitutes.

Apollo, Demeter, Artemis: Yes!!! (all agreeing)

Hermes (smiling): Now my tricks don’t work on them. Thieves and scammers have a tough time stealing.

Apollo: Not here, Hermes.

Hera: Who’s to blame here? Who did this!? Who made them this boring of subjects in a few decades? They used to die for things, used to strive for ambitions, fight for reasons.

Apollo (nods): They have lost their spirit.

Aphrodite: Love and passion has been contained too.

Hera: Don’t speak Aphrodite. Your harlotry is responsible for this.

Aphrodite (her tone shifts to a dramatic sorrow): No I am not! This is completely different from my passion. My passions were the things that drove humans crazy. Now it is just regular routine controlled by rules. “Does he feel safe?” Passions are not safe.

Hera: If it is neither marriage nor passion, what the hell is it? Who is spreading this buffoonery? (she shrieks with anger)

Athena: It’s the English. Those island inhabitants spread their stupid ideas, boring ideas to the world. Now everybody thinks it is wise. What presumptions are these?

Hermes (giggles): We must do something about this. I will unleash a million of Indian scammers on every English man. Steal every ounce of money they have.

Hera (nods at Hermes): Smart kid. I know a way. If Poseidon listens, we can drown the whole island.

Everyone: Yes!!!

(Hera connects to the inter-divine network and calls Poseidon. Rap music is playing in the background.)

Hera: Dear Brother. I have a task only you can perform.

Poseidon: What, sis?

Hera: Can you drown the island of England as soon as possible?

Poseidon: Gladly. Make sure Zeus does not get on my ass.

Hera: He is the one who ordered this.

Poseidon: Coolio. I will do it asap, Sis. I will claim whatever I can get. Queen of England, if I can.

Athena (she whispers): Who is going to say it to him?

Hera: Yes, Poseidon. Claim whomever you want.

Demeter (nods): Well said, Hera.

(Overnight, the island of England and coffin of Queen Elizabeth disappears from the map. Bad teeth odor and bland food vanishes from the face of the earth. Netherlands is completely shocked by this. Now it is the only one with bland food left.)

Hera: Now that it is done. How can we reverse this spread of English culture? Make them more daring, not straitjacketed fools.

Apollo: That is impossible. One thing cannot be turned back.

Athena: Well said Apollo.

Hera: Is that it? All that effort for nothing. We have to start anew by culling everyone. Now those Christian and Hindu zealots will get what they want. The apocalypse.

(There is a silence nobody dares interrupt. Couple of minutes pass until somebody does. It is Hermes.)

Hermes: I found one human. Who is worth looking at.

(Everyone turns to Hermes. Artemis has things in her mind.)

Artemis: Don’t tell me it is Trump.

Hermes: No, no, no. He is just a regular conman, a good one in my books. But nothing great about him. It is someone else.

Hera: Who is this?

Hermes: It is better if I show.

(Hermes uses the divine surveillance system to show a man walking the deserts of Morocco.)

Hermes (giggles again): This man embarked on this journey because he could not stand water around him.

Hera: Pardon me.

Hermes: He became tired with water, so he chose to live a life in desert.

Aphrodite: Squirm, little man. Turn up the passions for the love god, Aphrodite herself. Ares dear, come here and look at this.

Ares: Who is this maniac? Spectacular. (He laughs loudly)

Apollo: Something even a fool like you can agree, Ares. Splendid!

Hera: Apollo!! I will cut your tongue if you talk about my son like that.

Ares: Forget about his pointless insults, mother. I am extremely jubilant at seeing this tiny man’s struggles.

(Hera calms down seeing Ares unperturbed.)

Demeter: Oh, what a shame. He could be enjoying the wealth of my domain.

Artemis: Mine too. But if this is what human vitality is capable of, I approve of it.

Athena: I agree too. What is this guy’s name?

Hermes: Oh! He’s Nicholas Cage.

Demeter, Hera, Artemis, Apollo, Athena: Cage!?

(Humanity was spared that day. Nobody knows why only England* disappeared off the face of the earth.)